WARNING: This blog contains conversations about my life. It can be cruel but it's the truth from the way I percive it. I don't always use nice words and sometimes I share a little bit too much. I don't put on a happy face in the midst of hard times because that's what inspires others. If you have an issue please navigate away from this page now.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

B is for Brandon and Brad

Seems like all I do anymore is work. I haven't been able to keep up with this blog much. I will be getting a break at the end of this week since it's Christmas time and my hubby gets to come home until the first of the year. I told him I was so geeked to see him that I would be picking him up from the airport with suspenders on. lol I will try my very best to post while he is here, if not I will when he leaves.

Good News!!! Brandon had some more tests and they found some tears in his colon. They swabbed the fisures and are running some more tests on that. Things are looking good though because there wasn't any pollups. He is bleeding less and feeling a lilttle bit better every day. =]

Our little nephew Bradley had a little pimple on his leg and it got infected and turned to Mersa. He's been in the hospital for the past few days. This morning was his surgery. They cut open the pus sack and let it drain then packed it. He will be in the hospital for the next couple of days so they can keep an eye on it. He's such a good baby and calm about the whole thing.

That's all for now.

Monday, November 22, 2010

One Republic - come home ( our troops in iraq )

Musical Mondays

I'm finding that in mid-week I want to post for Musical Mondays. I will hear a song and be SO ready to share it but it will only be Tuesday so I write the song down on a piece of paper and wait. This week's song I found on Tuesday and LOVED it. It says everything I would want to say about missing my husband. You will see what I mean once you read the lyrics and listen to the song.


OneRepublic - Come Home
 
Hello world
Hope you're listenin'
Forgive me if I'm young
For speaking out of turn
There's someone I've been missing
And I think that they could be
The better half of me
They're in their wrong place trying to make it right
But I'm tired of justifying
So I say to you

[Chorus]
Come home
Come home
Cause I've been waiting for you
For so long
For so long
And right now there's a war between the vanities
But all I see is you and me
The fight for you is all I've ever known
So come home

We've been separated now for about nine months. Five of those months we've been married, so almost half of our first year of marriage we've spent apart. Thankfully not nine whole months without any time together. I've seen him in person four times. Three times was for about 4 days and the last time was a week. I miss him so much and haven't been able to put it into words until I found this song. I'm welcoming this Christmas vaction with open arms since he will be coming here. I'm deciding to share the link to the song because the lyrics just don't do it enough justice.

DEAR MR. PRESIDENT!!!!

Dear Mr. President,

     I hear you would like to freeze pay rates for soldiers starting next year. Would you also consider cutting your own pay to save more money for our country? While you're at it, lets cut down congressman's pay too. If the people who risk their lives don't get an increase in pay, why would we continue raising pay for those who take no risks and reap the benefits? Thank you.

Sincerley,

Erin (Navy Wife)

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Musical Monday

For as long as I can remember I have loved music. I enjoy listening to a song and following along with the lyrics. I love that each song can mean something totally different to each and every person who listens to it. I've decided that I'm going to start sharing an excerpt of lyrics from one song every Monday. Hopefully this will set smiles on the faces of those who read the blogs and listen to the songs.

This weeks song:

Play Crack the Sky - Brand New

"Your tongue is a rudder.
It steers the whole ship.
Sends your words past your lips
Or keeps them safe behind your teeth.
But the wrong words will strand you.
Come off course while you sleep.
Sweep your boat out to sea
Or dashed to bits on the reef."

Beginning to end the lyrics remind me of the sinking of the Titanic. It also makes me think of my sailor and how he has to rely on his shipmates in case of emergency. That worries me a bit because of the way he talks about some of them being very immature. I know that if shit hits the fan those men and women will stick together. Even though the lyrics I chose to share don't remind me of either, I wanted to share my thoughts on them.

The holidays are getting closer and this verse is a reminder that even though there is freedom of speech in this country, we still need to be mindful of what comes out of our mouths. I am Christian and I believe Jesus was born and died for our sins. I celebrate Christmas and am proud of it. You won't catch me saying Happy Holidays. If there are consequences to saying Merry Christmas or not being "Politically Correct" then that's fine by me. They are a reminder that freedom of speech comes with consequences good and bad. All I'm saying is if you can't keep your words behind your tongue be willing to accept the bits of your boat that get washed up on the reef.

Friday, November 5, 2010

In a weeks time..

...we have learned nothing. B went back to the doctor's on Monday and they set him up an appointment for an ultrasound of his intestines. His ultrasound was on Tuesday and on Wednesday he went in to find out the results of his ultrasound. Wednesday came and the lab didn't fax over the test results so we are no closer to knowing what is wrong with him. They did set him up for a CT scan. The earliest they could get him in was the 8th. He also has to have a colonoscopy, give more blood and another stool sample. I guess they want to re-run the other tests to be sure of everything. I'm very pissed off at it. What doctor orders a STAT ultrasound and doesn't get the results back STAT?! And why the hell can't they get him into CT before the 8th?! Ugh stupid system.

As for me, I went into my new doctor and she is running my blood. She wants to make sure all my hormone levels are in check. She also sent me to a specialist and had them give me a pelvic ultrasound. That experience wasn't very nice. My doctor didn't tell me that I needed to have a full bladder when I went in there and so I ended up sitting in the office 2 hours drinking water and waiting to pee. Once I did have to go, the ultrasound hurt because the woman was pushing on my bladder. I promise I almost peed on that table. LMBO!! I thought I would get some answers that day but NOPE I was wrong. I have to wait a week and if I don't hear anything I have to call my doctor and find out what the results were.

Hopefully we will have some clear cut answers very soon. I just started picking up more hours at work so I can keep my mind busy. I will try and keep updated as much as possible. This really is one of the hardest things Ive ever gone through so thank you to all of you who have kept us in your thoughts and prayers.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Cancer

WARNING THIS IS GRAPHIC AND KINDA GROSS. IF YOU HAVE PROBLEMS TALKING ABOUT BODILY FUCTIONS PLEASE STOP READING NOW.

When I was out in San Diego, my husband asked me to look at something on his butt. When I looked at it, it looked like he had just rubbed it raw from using the toliet paper that the Navy provides but it didn't seem too bad. I told him he should make a doctor's appointment anyways just to have them check it out and make sure it wasn't anything serious. Little did I know I might have saved his life with just one statement. Being a nursing student I know a little about how things on your body should look and what they look like under infection or what have you. I was concerned only because it wasn't going away. I was more concerned when he started pooing blood. He finally made the appointment and went to the doctors last Thursday. The doctor took some blood and made him give a stool sample. His results were to be in in about 2 weeks.

Yesterday afternoon I get a call from my husband letting me know his test results are in. The nursing student in me knows that usually the results only come back that soon if there is something wrong, so I get nots in my belly when I hear his results are in. He proceeds to tell me that his stool sample was normal but his blood tests indicate that his white blood cells are very low. He was instructed to make another appointment for more tests because his doctor believes it is cancer. Colon Cancer in a previously healthy 20 year old man.

I immediatly start to panic as anyone would. I haven't really stopped crying since. I have tried to thinkof other reasons that his white blood cells could be low. He could just have an infection or anemia. And even though I know nothing is set in stone and that they are going to try and rule out the cancer first, I can't stop thinking about it. For whatever reason his doctor thinks it is cancer. That fact alone is prolly why I can't let it go. He goes back to the doctor today and so do I.

I need the strength to be positive for my husband and for good test results on his second round of tests. I need positive results on my tests that I will one day be able to have children with my husband. I need to believe that this isn't the beginning of the end. I'm asking for prayer today.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Good News Bad News

Just a short update today... The good news is that B finally gets to start his A school on Monday. Only 11 or so weeks and he will be done. =] He said he might have tobe on hold after that though for a while. Not sure what that is all about but I will roll with it I guess. He is supposed to be here for Christmas, hopefully we will find an exact date here soon.

Bad news is that we are not pregnant this time. =[ I guess it just isnt in the cards right now. I am starting a new doctor on Tuesday that will hopefully start being able to tell me once and for all if I will even be able to have kids. Im hoping for good news but expecting the worst. Well thats all for now.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Sunday

Welp...it's Sunday and tomorrow starts the work week again. I'm getting to the point where I would rather be at work than at home. I am very hormonal today and so when someone in the house threw out my food that was in the freezer... I flipped a lid. I couldn't help it. Either this is the worst PMS or I really am pregnant. I will find out for sure on Halloween. =] All I know is my husband can count his blessings for not being home to get caught in my wrath. I can only imagine how my temper will get through the nine months as people think they have a right to throw their opinions in even when it wasn't asked for. I do welcome some but I call it enough when it is advice on everything and how the decisions I make are wrong. lol It already happened when I got married and I am damned if it will happen while I'm pregnant. lol

Lets just say I used to be this mouse who would sit in the corner and bite their tongue because I didn't like conflict. In all my wedding was perfect and I ended up with everything the way I wanted it. But I had to fight for what I wanted and by fight I mean repeatedly tell people in a nice way that this is what I want and I had to listen to them put down EVERY idea I had and start doing what they wanted anyways. It wasn't until I cried did anyone realize that they needed to knock it off and listen to me since it was my damn wedding anyways and they had already had one if not more than that before. That experience changed me especially dealing with the way my husbands family was and some of my family was during the wedding planning. I decided that I will no longer cry to make my point and I will no longer sit and let people run over me. Most of all not when it comes to things that my world is wrapped around. I will not sit and listen to people cut down and demean those who are close to my heart. The changes in me are slowly showing more and more.

This morning was a huge step in not taking anyone crap. If a situation had happened before where I was mad I would have pretended like I was fine and that there wasn't a situation at all. But I came up stairs from my room and was really fuming and I at least showed that I was mad and let them know why before I left. I don't want to turn into a mean or hurtful person. I want to be a person who isn't afraid to stand up for themselves and realizes that it is ok to be mad and to let people know. I left the house to get more food and cool down because I don't like being mad and if Id have stayed I would have kept going and really said something hurtful.

The things that happen at this house really runs a person down and its hard to stay happy and positive while living here. Before I moved in here I was 100% happier and nicer but the constant negativity from his grandma's mouth and the 24/7 screaming 2 year old makes a person unhappy. Plus all the crap they say about how this or that person in the family is a screw up and how they are perfect and everyone should be more like them, is completely sickening. I know I'm doing the same thing right now, but it isn't something Id have a problem saying to their face if given the right opportunity. These people would never say the things they say to the person they talk about...they are 2 faced as hell. Ugh makes me sick.

To go along with how hormonal I am today..about an hour later I was in the best mood. I was setting up my very first photo shoot for profit. I haven't taken classes for photography yet but all my friends are getting pregnant and huge and I set up an appointment for a pregnancy shoot. I wasn't planning on charging her but when she asked how much I simply told her it would only cost her the amount it cost for the prints. I gave her a run down of how the appointment would go and a rough estimate of what the prints would cost. I of course told her it would all depend on what size and how many of each pose. She booked it. I am super excited. I really feel like maybe this is the push I need to switch my major. I am going to work on getting a website going and see how well it goes from there. If that does decent I might just make the leap. =]

So even though I started off very very grumpy I actually ending on a good note. Hopefully in about 6 days I will have one of the best days ever and find out that I will be becoming a mom.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Michigan

My flight from California back to Michigan was today and I am very tired. I had a wonderful time with my husband and it was much needed. His family drives me bananas sometimes so I welcomed the vacation. Plus, I got to smooch on my lover. We are hoping the 2ww goes by very fast and we will have happy news that we will be parents in about 9 months. If not, then it wasn't supposed to happen right now. We did however buy a book to help us pick a baby or babies name(s). Twins run in both sides of our families and since my cycle isn't always predictable I know to expect the unexpected. So we spent last night going over some possible names and I was sure my husband would be the kind to go for the more common names and me go for the uncommon ones. Infact, it's kinda the opposite. Although I do like some very uncommon names I also am leaning towards some old fashioned ones. We have decided to keep the name(s) a secret until we know if we are pregnant and what we will be having. I think too many people put negitivity on names that couples pick out. I want nothing but joy and positivity for our child. Plus it doesn't make any sense to ask others opinion on names when its your child not theirs.

B and I have also spent a great deal of time talking about what would happen if for some reason he should be gone for the birth. He would like me to invite his mother into the delivery room and I am dead set on telling him no way. His mom makes me nervous in everyday conversation...howwill she make me feel while I'm in labor. No way. He doesn't think it would be fair if my mother got to be in there and not his mom. His mom wasn't the one to push me out of her va jay jay there for she sits in the waiting room like a good Grandma. My mom knows how I deal with pain and knows how to calm me down. If for some reason B can't be there she is the only one allowed in the delivery room. B just doesn't get it. Help! I don't know how to make him understand. I don't want the maxium of 3 people in my delivery room. I want one person. I have told my family that when it comes time for that day, they all better expect to be sitting in the waiting room. They weren't there when baby was made why the fuck should they witness the birth. Its supposed to be an intimate moment with the mother and father. This subject gets me going everytime. lol Some people enjoy having others there and thats cool for them, not me. My husband just needs to learn that when said day comes it isn't about what he wants because it isn't his vagina being ripped open. =] That's something to look forward to. LMBO Done with my rant for now!

Well I will tell more about my trip later and post some awesome pictures along with it.

Friday, October 15, 2010

California

Good Morning! I am posting from California today. I wouldn't have had the time to post if it wasn't for the fact that B has to work today. He worked yesterday as well but we went out to a nice resturant after he got out and I tried swordfish for the first time. It was pretty good. I've also met about a hundred people who I won't ever remember their names. lol Except his Chief. He works in the office while on hold and yesterday his Cheif told him that he needed to go pick me up and bring me back to meet her. lol She is a nice lady but I am sure that she can take a man and make him cry if they pissed her off.

The trip here was pretty interesting. I had never been on a plane before but the first flight was only an hour before I had to switch planes and the flight was pretty good. I had some fear that about made me cry before we took off but it wasn't so bad. I wandered around the airport for about 2 hours before I got on my next plane. It was beautiful outside almost the whole time until we get to about 45 minutes outside of the San Diego airport. It was foggy as hell and I'm sure the pilot couldn't see 5 feet in front of the plane. We were getting ready to land and because of the fog the pilot missed the runway and all of a sudden we were going back up in the air. I freaked the fuck out and actually cried that time. The gentlemen sitting next to me were really nice and they were trying to reassure me that sometimes that happens. We actually landed the second time around and I couldn't be happier. B had duty that day and wasn't supposed to be let off base, so he arranged for one of his friends to pick me up and bring me back to base since I'm staying in the hotel on base. I find my ride and go towards the baggage claim and as soon as I set my carry on down a man comes up behind me and taps me on the shoulder. I turned around and it was my hubby! I was so surprised! His other friend video taped it.

video

Hopefully the video uploaded right.

Today our plans are to go on a tour of the city on a boat thingy. Apparently the thing drives you all around town and then takes you into the water. I'm kind of upset that the weather hasn't been great. It was so cold out yesterday that I looked like I was back home with jeans and a sweatshirt on. I only brought clothes for hot weather. I'm kinda screwed if it doesn't warm up. lol I will post when I get back because B doesn't have to work the rest of the time I'm here.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Autum # 2

Here are the picture's I took of my nephew and my sister in law. I had a great time with them and even though he was tired they still turned out great. Enjoy.















Autum

Happy Tuesday Everyone! I'm in the last 24 hours before I go see my amazing husband for 8 uninterrupted days. I am so excited I didn't sleep at all last night and I was up at 7am wide awake. I don't leave until tomorrow morning but I am already packed and ready to go.

In order for me to keep a level head today I am taking my sister in law and my nephew out to a very nice park. This park is gorgeous in the fall. I bought Mr. Bradley a new outfit yesterday and I'm going to take some pictures of them together. I will upload them when I am done editing them. But, I am very excited that I get to do this. Michigan is the most beautiful place in the fall. All the trees are half green, half yellow or red. The trees have been changing a while now so it will be perfect. What's awesome is that the fall colors aren't even in their peak yet. Photography is so much fun and I love my little buddy so much that I have to take as many pictures as possible before B and I are out of state for a while. Look for a post with pictures later today! =]

Friday, October 8, 2010

Like Red On a Rose

I'm getting very excited as the days get closer. I found out yesterday about two things that may impact my trip. Of course the Navy isn't going to make it easy. =]

1. He was granted special Liberty for 3 days. That's the good part. I was very excited to hear about that because I thought he would have to work everyday except Saturday and Sunday.

2. After 2 months of him being in California doing nothing, he is on the next list to start his school. This makes me happy and upset.

I've been trying to be patient and ride this out but the moment I decided to go out there, he might be starting school the week I get there. I would be happy if he did start because that means we are closer to getting stationed somewhere and me getting out of his Grandma's house. But, after hearing he got special liberty and would be spending 5 whole days with me instead of 2, I would be a little disappointed if he did start the week I'm there.

Some things not about the Navy...
I still haven't gotten my video back from our wedding. I'm not sure what I should do about it. The gentleman that shot the wedding is a family friend and didn't charge us a dime and I'm kind of getting annoyed. I think that after 3 months you should have it done. I don't want to be rude since it was done for free. Any suggestions here?

I can't wait to get my new camera out to California and shoot some awesome pictures. I've been really busy since I bought it and haven't taken any pictures for a while. Here are some I took the first week I had it. Some pictures are from my Aunt's farm and some are just around town. Hope you enjoy.


(Davison, Mi)



(Grand Blanc, Mi)

(Grand Blanc, Mi)





(Grand Blanc, Mi)


These are just a few of my favorites. I hope to finish nursing school and then go back for photography. I just need the support to do it. I don't think my pictures are the greatest but they have potential.

I will have to post a lot of pictures from my trip when I get back. Until then have a blessed couple of weeks.

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Throwing Caution to the Wind!

Over the last few weeks I'v heard my Pastor say the simplest of statements. "God will pay for it" "God always pays" I look at Pastor Chris like yeah right. In my head I'm giving him doubts. 'Come on Chris there isn't anyway God is just going to come up with enough money for B and I to pay our bills and then pay off our debts and still get me to Califoria for a visit in October. Thats too soon and plane ticket prices are rediculous, plus I'd need a hotel and San Diego area is expensive.'

When God has plans for you boy does he deliver. I think he delivered in my case because I had no faith that it would happen and he just wanted to teach me a lesson. Chris was talking that same morning about how we all should throw out the pro and con lists. Let God guide our lives. In every other way I had tried to do that. Except when it came to bills I couldn't trust that "God paid" Until I was checking funds and prices and figured out last night I could afford to go see my wonderful husband for his birthday. One happy woman right here!!! I have to tell my work about it and I have to tell them soon because I am leaving next Wednesday. Very soon but the pieces to the puzzle just fit so perfectly. God paid.

What's even better is the timing couldn't have been better this month. B and I are unoffically trying to create life-since we know that being apart throws a wrench in the trying part. And according to life's cycle his birthday is supposed to be "the most" fertile day for me. Now I know not to get my hopes up because it doesn't always happen the way the calender thinks it should. If nothing happens this month then it isn't meant to be right now. We are fine with that because we are young. We decided to start young because we don't want to be old parents and because I have issues with my reproductive system. I am going to have a very hard time getting pregnant so I figured why wait.? LOL Why delay the process. We have to have been trying for at least 1 year before the doctor's will even think of helping out -because we are young.

I've never been on a plane though. I'm kind of nervous. I will be traveling over 4000 miles on my very first trip and I'll be doing it all alone. I don't do well being alone and I hardly trust anyone. I'm always looking over my shoulder so I'm sure I wil be on edge almost the entire time until I'm in the arms of my husband. The day I get there is his duty day, so that will kinda suck. But, I will manage. I'll go shopping or something. =]
I will post on the trip when I'm back for sure if I don't post before then.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Loose Ends

Well the move into Brandon's Granda's house is done. My little room in the basement is finished and I'm trying to get used to living by someone elses rules. Grandma wants to know my work schedule all the time and it bothers me. Why the heck is it any of her business? Anyone in the house feels as if they have a right to come into my room whenever theyfeel like it. It's driving me nuts. I'm trying to just breath and remember that it wont be forever. On top of all of it I'm sick and when I'm sick I dont want to talk to anyone. Noone knows how I function so it makes it difficult to get through to them to just leave me alone.

Today I felt as if I "broke up" with my bestfriend. She has always been a good friend until she met this guy. Who is by anyones standards a lame ass. She met him Christmas of 08 and moved down to South Carolina in April 09 where they bounced from house to house living off of everyone. She shocked all of us with her rude behavior and stubburness. She has always been quiet well manored and would have never went for a guy like him before. Anyways she came back to MI in March 10 and moved in with her mom. I was excited because I was going to be able to get to know this guy and see what he was all about. I had them over to the apt. several times over the summer. He is an alright person but not for my friend. He has not motivation to anything for himself and is perfectly ok living off anyone and everyone. When I went to Chicago to get my new shinny military ID they packed up and left without a word. And, because they had no job here they had no phone once they got to where ever they went. I havent heard from her in over two months until today when she messaged me on facebook. She explained to me what has happened and all I could think the whole time was why do I care. She obviosly hasnt cared about her mom or twin sister who has siezures or me since she's been gone. Maybe thats immature but really I have had no idea if she was dead or alive. Her boyfriend is that wierd of a person that death has crossed my mind a couple of times. I wrote her back and explained to her that I wasnt mad but that I was scared she was hurt or worse and that I dont have the time or energy to worry about her anymore. I have problems of my own and where has she been as my best friend? It was bitter sweet because I had released myself of her and the stress of caring is gone but I am sad to have lost a really good friend.

On another note. I despirately desire to punch people in the face when I hear them complain about missing their boyfriends or husbands. I have alot of people on my facebook that wine about spending two days apart. One friend inparticular will complain if her boyfriend gets called into work on his day off and says she misses him like crazy. It really makes me mad and want to puke. Either they are so desparate to make it seem like they are soooo in love or they have no idea what missing someone means. I bet it's both. I know being away from the person you love sucks even if it's for 2 days but come on. They need to be thankful they are only bitching about 2 days. I wish my biggest worry was that my husband was gonna be gone for two days. I'm sturggling with this everyday when I see these people post things about how much they miss their boyfriend/husband. I want to be able to get over this or at least know a way of confronting them without sounding jealous, moody or immature. Maybe it is immature to get mad at these people, but really, they need a reality check. They need to walk a mile in a military wife/girlfriend's shoes and then think about how horrible it is that their significant other is gone for 48 hours.

On a positive note I chopped off all my long blonde and beautiful hair and I LOVE IT!!!! My hubby loves ittoo he says I look HotT! Here's a befor and after...

I know I am goofy but it's the best I have!

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Moving

From the time I was 2 until I was 18 I lived in the same house. In the two years since Ive graduated high school Ive moved 2 times. Im going into year three of being out of high school and Im going on move number three. All I have to say is MOVING SUCKS!!! I dislike it ALOT. Maybe if I were used to it when I was young it wouldn't be as stressful. What makes this move even harder is Ive collected more junk. This is the first little home Ive had that was all my own and I had more space to collect the junk. So the past week or so Ive been packing and organizing and working and had a garage sale to sell a bunch of the older crap that got replaced with newer crap. lol I did well... sold almost every thing. The other thing that makes this move harder than before is that this time Im doing it all alone. I do have a little help from B's grandparents and Aunt Cat but Ive done all the packing alone. And, I have to leave the first place that B and I ever called home together. ='[ I had a moment today when I was packing. Im usually not much for tears but between everything on my plate and the final inspection for the apt. on Tuesday, the apt. is looking a little empty and when I walked into the bedroom for something I just lost it. I couldnt help it. The radio was on and it just so happened that " Temporary Home- Carrie Underwood" came on. I love that song but I cry everytime I hear it. Ok maybe I stretched the truth a little.. I cry alot...more so now than ever. Being a strong woman in this Navy life is WAY easier said than done. Alot of people make it look easy and my question is how do I get to that point where other are jealous of my strength like I am of others? Do the woman who make it look easy really struggle with being strong like I do?

Ive gotten very into Christ lately and Im enjoying reading scriptures on different subjects hoping that the Lord will guide me and make me strong. In the back of my bible there is a list of 60 Character Builders and Id like to share a couple that have helped me.

#9. Courageous

Realizing that God had given me the strength to face and trial or danger.

'Be strong and of good courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them: for the Lord thy God, he it is that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee.'
Deuteronomy 31:6


#36. Patience

Going through a difficult situation with calm endurance and not complaining or losing self-control

'Our soul waiteth for the Lord: he is our help and our shield.'
Psalm 33:20

To all of those who possess these characteristics I am jealous. I am working very hard to remember that through Christ anything is possible, even the things I think are impossible for me.

Friday, September 3, 2010

Award

I recevied the Blogger Buddy Award : )




The Rules:

*thank the person that gave you the award

*list 7 things about you that you haven't revealed to the bloggy-verse as of yet.

* pass them on to the bloggers that deserve them





First the thank you to hewearscombatboots. Its nice being able to share things without being judged. I'm so glad I found this and thats because of you. Thanks.


Now, seven things about me

1. I HATE being alone. Pretty ironic that I married someone in the service and it requires me to be alone all the time.
 
2. I LOVE the water and I'm really hoping B gets stationed in CA. People call me a fish because all I ever want to do is go swimming.
 
3. I'm an open book. I dont hide things from anyone. It's making coming up with seven things hard.
 
4. My favorite book of all time is Tuesdays with Morey. I also love the movie. So insiprational.
 
5. B and I are obsessed with Grey's Anatomy. We own all 5 sesaons so far and are currently waiting the release of season 6 on DVD and for season 7 to start.
 
6. I am a worrier. Every little thing causes me to panic and get anxious. I hate that my doctor just laughs at me and tells me I'm young so I don't have anything to worry about.
 
7. I support gay marrige and I'm also pro choice. I believe in staying out of peoples lives and letting them do what they want.

Feeling Better

The last couple of days I've just felt down and out, sick and tired. I have know idea as to why. I'm not quite to the point of never leaving the potty but just haven't felt good. I woke up this morning still feeling the same and had to go to work and when I got there everyone was grumpy and so that made me grumpy on top of not feeling well. Sometime after Id been there I lost the grumpy but still didn't feel good but that was because it was SO hot and muggy today. I went to B's gma's house and had tacos and checked on my room... and it's coming along very nicely. Ive only got 28 days left...=/ Its bitter sweet leaving this place.

On my way home I didn't have my radio on which NEVER happens in my car. I just thought and prayed the whole way, talking to the Lord about the things that have been bothering me. When I got home I got online and looked up a friend of a friend who is a christian musician, Ben Woodward. He has some pretty amazing songs. They lift me up like you wouldn't believe.  www.somethingelserecords.com/album/maranatha this link will take you to his page and if you scroll down to the share group you can listen for free.

What I think is awesome about this is that I never grew up in a church and neither did B. I went to a youth group for a while but other than that I connected to Jesus by myself in my bedroom in a house that wasn't always pleasant. So when B and I got into our own place church wasn't a priority or a topic we talked about. The first week he was gone at basic training I had the overwhelming urge to go to church with his grandma and when I went I felt so..ugh I cant even put a word to how I felt. I felt, refreshed. It was the first time Id been to church in over 5 years. That very week when I got my letter from B on Wednesday (meaning he wrote it Sunday and sent it out Sunday the day Id went to church) he had spoke of going to church service on base that day and he said it was one of the best things he'd done in a long time and that he felt he was exactly where he was supposed to be. He said he wanted church to be something we could start doing together. I was sooo happy because I had no idea how to go about saying I wanted to do that without making him feel he had to go with me. I didn't go back to church but B did until the end of basic training.

After basic we haven't talked anymore about church or the Lord and it saddens me because I think its important that the word of God stays in our conversations. So, my question is why do I always see myself reaching out to him when things are tough or I'm scared? Why do I not have a relationship when things are good? So I told myself today that, that behavior ends now and I mean right now. As soon as I talk to him next I'm letting him know that I want to start going to church on a regular basis and I want to do more to keep the Lord active in our lives. I think really having a relationship with Christ is going to help me be strong and help me face what B and I are going through with the Navy and all the joys we go through too.

I feel much better belly wise as well as spiritually and I am so happy. I couldn't ask for a better partner than my husband and I think him and I being involved with God is only going to help us get closer even though we are separated physically.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

First Actual Venting Session LOL

Ok so as stated before B is on hold in CA and I am here in MI which if we do math correctly puts him 3 hours behind me. It is currently 12:50 am Wed Morning meaning its only 9:50pm there. My husbands day goes something like this: wake up at the butt crack of dawn go to work eat lunch around noon, maybe calls me to say hi for 5mins, go back to work get out at about 5pm(8pm MI time) sometimes later. Then he eats food goes back to the room calls me for about 10 mins and then goes to the gym for 2 hours. By this time its already getting close to 8pm(11pm MI time), then he'll shower because he smells from the workout which takes him an hour to do. So, we are looking at 9pm(12am MI time) if not later. Around 9:30pm the sailors get ready to muster. Sometime after that he will call me around 10pm-1030pm(1am MI time) but he will be too tired to hardly stay awake. But all this time while he's been busy (esp at night when I'm home from work) Ive been waiting to have him call and to be able to have a real conversation with him. I know I should be grateful to at least get to talk to him even if its for a few mins but it really gets to be annoying. Esp. when I know he doesn't have to workout for 2 hours...that's his choice to do it, it isn't mandatory. I know he is doing things that are god for him and me and this country but I cant help but to get upset when I feel like my husband is a distant memory...I have maybe talked to him a total of 5 mins today and all we got to say is hey this is what I'm doing and I love you. Like I said my head KNOWS I should be grateful but my heart just cant help but be upset a little bit. Well this made me feel better...I got to get the crazy out before I went to sleep...o and looky he's calling...Goodnight.

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Lazy Tuesday

I have absolutely zero energy to do anything today. I should really do some more packing and go help clear out the room that will soon be mine at B's grandma's house. I really would have helped out today since I wasn't working but his one Aunt Cat , who also lives with his grandma, is having surgery today and grandma is watching Aunt Cat's daughter (Rylee) so there isn't really time for cleaning and rearranging. I don't quite understand what help I am going to be anyways since none of the things are mine and I don't know what needs to be kept or thrown out. I'm already annoyed and I don't even live there yet...I'm so nervous to see how Ill feel actually living there in the over crowded 3 bedroom house. To explain my annoyance a little bit for understanding...grandma is the sweetest 65ish year old woman I know and has helped B and I out a lot. We love her whole heartily and she along with Aunt Cat and Rylee are probably going to be the ones I miss the most when I leave to be with B. When I graduated High School my parents moved across country and left me here and my one and only big brother moved across state 3 hours away so basically the only family I have are B's. When I'm bored or lonely I usually stop by his Grandma's house to visit. I would spend more time with my mother, father, and sister in law who live across the street from Grandma but they are gone alot working or golfing (their favorite pass time). My sister in law is 17 and has a 5 month old little boy who I adore but I don't see much of them either since, well shes 17, and like all 17yr olds likes to hangout with her boyfriend and since he's the baby's father it's good. So Gma, Roger (gma's husband), Aunt Cat and Rylee are my family. Like all family though they get on my nerves. Gma has issues with control making it very hard for her to see my point on anything and Aunt Cat (& gma too I guess) has a know it all complex. Gma and Aunt Cat feed off each other which makes it too much sometimes. Rylee is 2 and she has all the symptoms of the terrible twos. Roger is laid back and is usually the one who breaks the tension. When I got annoyed before I could always go home and stay home until I wanted to go back over there. With all the mounting stress in my life it doesn't take much to get me annoyed. LOL So, I'm nervous to see how I handle living with it for 3 months. Hopefully it wont be too bad. But since Aunt Cat's surgery was today and I had the day off work, Ive been very lazy. I have watched a movie off of On Demand, The Backup Plan. It was very cute. I have surfed the web and played some games online. I have made breakfast and over all just hung out with crappy food and the TV. If I must say though, I think the TV is out to get me because every time I pick a channel there is a program on it that makes me cry. Today I turned on "A baby story" and within the first five minutes I was balling. The mother was getting ready to have her 2nd child but was doing it alone because her husband had just died in Iraq. Every episode of Extreme Home Makeover makes me cry because they always choose families that have disabilities or war vets who are disabled. It makes me think of B and how much I would miss him if he were gone or how hard and difficult it would be if something happened to him and he lost an arm, a leg, his sight or couldn't walk again. It makes me realize the seriousness of the job he is doing. Seems to just always be something that makes me think of him and miss him. So, I try and think of all the good things him and I have gotten the chance to do with each other. Our wedding pictures are a constant reminder to me of the love that we have shared for the past four years. It's going to be good to get to see him sometime hopefully in October and get to touch him and kiss him again and make sure he is still the same man I fell in love with...he couldn't change even if he wanted to. =)

Kellie Pickler - Makin' Me Fall In Love Again

Monday, August 30, 2010

Brand New

I visit one blog quite a bit and decided maybe it's about time I made one of my own...today was that day. LOL I hope doing this gives me what I'm looking for which is a place to vent and express freely how I'm feeling without worrying if I am going to hurt someones feelings. I have facebook but I guess it isnt the same. So to start I guess I'll give some background details. Both my husband and I were born and raised in "one of the most dangerous" cities in Michigan. I say that in quotes because we dont really think it's as bad as everyone makes it out to be. Sure, if you are looking for trouble you will find it but I think pretty much people leave you alone and mind their own business. We both graduated in 2008 and worked at Cedar Point the following summer. In the fall we moved in with his Grandma and started going to college. We moved out into our own place in the fall of 2009 and didnt go back to college because of finance issues. After a couple months living with his Grandma and not being able to get a job "B" (which is what I call him) decided he wanted to join the Navy. When I first heard about his choice to join I didn't talk to him for awhile. I wanted to evaluate what my true feelings on it were before I said anything that would change his mind either way. I came around and realized that it was a good choice and it was something that e wanted to do so I needed to support him. I went to him after I had time to think and told him I was sorry I hadnt spoken to him but I needed time to think about it and what it was going to mean for me. I told him I would support him and stand by him no matter what but that I needed to know what him joining meant for me. He then told me he wanted to join to serve his country and to make life better for me and that he didnt want to see breakup over him being gone. So he went through with DEPs and got a leave date for the following March which was a year after he decided to join. In that year we moved into an apartment and just enjoyed eachother. It felt like we blinked and his shipout date was near. His baby sister was pregnant at the time he was suppossed to leave and wasnt due until April but since she had so many problems the baby came 5 weeks early and the new Uncle got to meet his nephew one week before he left for basic. Before he left we were talking about getting married but since he didnt ask my father and hadnt proposed I suggested that we wait until after basic training to see if we can handle it. Basic training was hell to say it nicely. It was the first time I had ever been all alone and I had to learn how to do things by myself. Ive got the hang of it now. LOL As hard as it was I couldnt be happier that I experinced that. I found a new love for B that I hadnt felt before. My new favorite saying is "distance makes the heart grow fonder" and that deffinitly was the case for me and him. To my surprise while he was there he wrote to my father who lives in Wyoming and asked his permission to marry me. And the day of his graduation he proposed in our hotel room. It doesnt sound like anything special but it was perfect. We spent the rest of that weekend hanging out with his family around the base. Once I got home I started asking him when he wanted to get married and his response was always the same.."right now"..LOL One night I made him choose and he came up with July 4th, but since it was on a sunday we switched it to the 3rd. He was able to get leave and come home for the wedding. We had our wedding in the front yard of his Aunts house under the huge willow tree. His Grandma lives there and we spent the weekend out there.  He had some trouble getting there though. He missed his train because of chicago traffic and since were only 6 hours away his Grandma and cousin jumped in their car to go pick him up the thursday before the wedding. I was so nervous he wouldnt be there for the wedding so I took some sleep aids and fell asleep in his Grandmas bed. At 2 am my hubby to be showed up and surprised me...he got a cheap flight and his grandma was able to pick him up at our local airport instead. =D The day of our wedding was awesome it was 80ish and windy, so even though we were hot the wind cooled us off. A few weeks after the wedding I went back to the base to get all our paperwork straightened out. And about 2 weeks ago he finished his schooling in IL and is now in CA on hold. Our lease in the apartment in MI is over in a month and his schooling is 11 weeks long once he starts. So in the meantime I will be staying with his other Grandma and going out to see him in CA and then heading to Wyoming to visit my parents. Hopefully by the end of November his schooling will be done and he will finally get his first duty station and I can go live with him again, because seriously I'm going nuts. haha Thats it for now. =]