WARNING: This blog contains conversations about my life. It can be cruel but it's the truth from the way I percive it. I don't always use nice words and sometimes I share a little bit too much. I don't put on a happy face in the midst of hard times because that's what inspires others. If you have an issue please navigate away from this page now.

Monday, November 22, 2010

One Republic - come home ( our troops in iraq )

Musical Mondays

I'm finding that in mid-week I want to post for Musical Mondays. I will hear a song and be SO ready to share it but it will only be Tuesday so I write the song down on a piece of paper and wait. This week's song I found on Tuesday and LOVED it. It says everything I would want to say about missing my husband. You will see what I mean once you read the lyrics and listen to the song.

OneRepublic - Come Home
Hello world
Hope you're listenin'
Forgive me if I'm young
For speaking out of turn
There's someone I've been missing
And I think that they could be
The better half of me
They're in their wrong place trying to make it right
But I'm tired of justifying
So I say to you

Come home
Come home
Cause I've been waiting for you
For so long
For so long
And right now there's a war between the vanities
But all I see is you and me
The fight for you is all I've ever known
So come home

We've been separated now for about nine months. Five of those months we've been married, so almost half of our first year of marriage we've spent apart. Thankfully not nine whole months without any time together. I've seen him in person four times. Three times was for about 4 days and the last time was a week. I miss him so much and haven't been able to put it into words until I found this song. I'm welcoming this Christmas vaction with open arms since he will be coming here. I'm deciding to share the link to the song because the lyrics just don't do it enough justice.


Dear Mr. President,

     I hear you would like to freeze pay rates for soldiers starting next year. Would you also consider cutting your own pay to save more money for our country? While you're at it, lets cut down congressman's pay too. If the people who risk their lives don't get an increase in pay, why would we continue raising pay for those who take no risks and reap the benefits? Thank you.


Erin (Navy Wife)

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Musical Monday

For as long as I can remember I have loved music. I enjoy listening to a song and following along with the lyrics. I love that each song can mean something totally different to each and every person who listens to it. I've decided that I'm going to start sharing an excerpt of lyrics from one song every Monday. Hopefully this will set smiles on the faces of those who read the blogs and listen to the songs.

This weeks song:

Play Crack the Sky - Brand New

"Your tongue is a rudder.
It steers the whole ship.
Sends your words past your lips
Or keeps them safe behind your teeth.
But the wrong words will strand you.
Come off course while you sleep.
Sweep your boat out to sea
Or dashed to bits on the reef."

Beginning to end the lyrics remind me of the sinking of the Titanic. It also makes me think of my sailor and how he has to rely on his shipmates in case of emergency. That worries me a bit because of the way he talks about some of them being very immature. I know that if shit hits the fan those men and women will stick together. Even though the lyrics I chose to share don't remind me of either, I wanted to share my thoughts on them.

The holidays are getting closer and this verse is a reminder that even though there is freedom of speech in this country, we still need to be mindful of what comes out of our mouths. I am Christian and I believe Jesus was born and died for our sins. I celebrate Christmas and am proud of it. You won't catch me saying Happy Holidays. If there are consequences to saying Merry Christmas or not being "Politically Correct" then that's fine by me. They are a reminder that freedom of speech comes with consequences good and bad. All I'm saying is if you can't keep your words behind your tongue be willing to accept the bits of your boat that get washed up on the reef.

Friday, November 5, 2010

In a weeks time..

...we have learned nothing. B went back to the doctor's on Monday and they set him up an appointment for an ultrasound of his intestines. His ultrasound was on Tuesday and on Wednesday he went in to find out the results of his ultrasound. Wednesday came and the lab didn't fax over the test results so we are no closer to knowing what is wrong with him. They did set him up for a CT scan. The earliest they could get him in was the 8th. He also has to have a colonoscopy, give more blood and another stool sample. I guess they want to re-run the other tests to be sure of everything. I'm very pissed off at it. What doctor orders a STAT ultrasound and doesn't get the results back STAT?! And why the hell can't they get him into CT before the 8th?! Ugh stupid system.

As for me, I went into my new doctor and she is running my blood. She wants to make sure all my hormone levels are in check. She also sent me to a specialist and had them give me a pelvic ultrasound. That experience wasn't very nice. My doctor didn't tell me that I needed to have a full bladder when I went in there and so I ended up sitting in the office 2 hours drinking water and waiting to pee. Once I did have to go, the ultrasound hurt because the woman was pushing on my bladder. I promise I almost peed on that table. LMBO!! I thought I would get some answers that day but NOPE I was wrong. I have to wait a week and if I don't hear anything I have to call my doctor and find out what the results were.

Hopefully we will have some clear cut answers very soon. I just started picking up more hours at work so I can keep my mind busy. I will try and keep updated as much as possible. This really is one of the hardest things Ive ever gone through so thank you to all of you who have kept us in your thoughts and prayers.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010



When I was out in San Diego, my husband asked me to look at something on his butt. When I looked at it, it looked like he had just rubbed it raw from using the toliet paper that the Navy provides but it didn't seem too bad. I told him he should make a doctor's appointment anyways just to have them check it out and make sure it wasn't anything serious. Little did I know I might have saved his life with just one statement. Being a nursing student I know a little about how things on your body should look and what they look like under infection or what have you. I was concerned only because it wasn't going away. I was more concerned when he started pooing blood. He finally made the appointment and went to the doctors last Thursday. The doctor took some blood and made him give a stool sample. His results were to be in in about 2 weeks.

Yesterday afternoon I get a call from my husband letting me know his test results are in. The nursing student in me knows that usually the results only come back that soon if there is something wrong, so I get nots in my belly when I hear his results are in. He proceeds to tell me that his stool sample was normal but his blood tests indicate that his white blood cells are very low. He was instructed to make another appointment for more tests because his doctor believes it is cancer. Colon Cancer in a previously healthy 20 year old man.

I immediatly start to panic as anyone would. I haven't really stopped crying since. I have tried to thinkof other reasons that his white blood cells could be low. He could just have an infection or anemia. And even though I know nothing is set in stone and that they are going to try and rule out the cancer first, I can't stop thinking about it. For whatever reason his doctor thinks it is cancer. That fact alone is prolly why I can't let it go. He goes back to the doctor today and so do I.

I need the strength to be positive for my husband and for good test results on his second round of tests. I need positive results on my tests that I will one day be able to have children with my husband. I need to believe that this isn't the beginning of the end. I'm asking for prayer today.