WARNING: This blog contains conversations about my life. It can be cruel but it's the truth from the way I percive it. I don't always use nice words and sometimes I share a little bit too much. I don't put on a happy face in the midst of hard times because that's what inspires others. If you have an issue please navigate away from this page now.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Good News Bad News

Just a short update today... The good news is that B finally gets to start his A school on Monday. Only 11 or so weeks and he will be done. =] He said he might have tobe on hold after that though for a while. Not sure what that is all about but I will roll with it I guess. He is supposed to be here for Christmas, hopefully we will find an exact date here soon.

Bad news is that we are not pregnant this time. =[ I guess it just isnt in the cards right now. I am starting a new doctor on Tuesday that will hopefully start being able to tell me once and for all if I will even be able to have kids. Im hoping for good news but expecting the worst. Well thats all for now.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Sunday

Welp...it's Sunday and tomorrow starts the work week again. I'm getting to the point where I would rather be at work than at home. I am very hormonal today and so when someone in the house threw out my food that was in the freezer... I flipped a lid. I couldn't help it. Either this is the worst PMS or I really am pregnant. I will find out for sure on Halloween. =] All I know is my husband can count his blessings for not being home to get caught in my wrath. I can only imagine how my temper will get through the nine months as people think they have a right to throw their opinions in even when it wasn't asked for. I do welcome some but I call it enough when it is advice on everything and how the decisions I make are wrong. lol It already happened when I got married and I am damned if it will happen while I'm pregnant. lol

Lets just say I used to be this mouse who would sit in the corner and bite their tongue because I didn't like conflict. In all my wedding was perfect and I ended up with everything the way I wanted it. But I had to fight for what I wanted and by fight I mean repeatedly tell people in a nice way that this is what I want and I had to listen to them put down EVERY idea I had and start doing what they wanted anyways. It wasn't until I cried did anyone realize that they needed to knock it off and listen to me since it was my damn wedding anyways and they had already had one if not more than that before. That experience changed me especially dealing with the way my husbands family was and some of my family was during the wedding planning. I decided that I will no longer cry to make my point and I will no longer sit and let people run over me. Most of all not when it comes to things that my world is wrapped around. I will not sit and listen to people cut down and demean those who are close to my heart. The changes in me are slowly showing more and more.

This morning was a huge step in not taking anyone crap. If a situation had happened before where I was mad I would have pretended like I was fine and that there wasn't a situation at all. But I came up stairs from my room and was really fuming and I at least showed that I was mad and let them know why before I left. I don't want to turn into a mean or hurtful person. I want to be a person who isn't afraid to stand up for themselves and realizes that it is ok to be mad and to let people know. I left the house to get more food and cool down because I don't like being mad and if Id have stayed I would have kept going and really said something hurtful.

The things that happen at this house really runs a person down and its hard to stay happy and positive while living here. Before I moved in here I was 100% happier and nicer but the constant negativity from his grandma's mouth and the 24/7 screaming 2 year old makes a person unhappy. Plus all the crap they say about how this or that person in the family is a screw up and how they are perfect and everyone should be more like them, is completely sickening. I know I'm doing the same thing right now, but it isn't something Id have a problem saying to their face if given the right opportunity. These people would never say the things they say to the person they talk about...they are 2 faced as hell. Ugh makes me sick.

To go along with how hormonal I am today..about an hour later I was in the best mood. I was setting up my very first photo shoot for profit. I haven't taken classes for photography yet but all my friends are getting pregnant and huge and I set up an appointment for a pregnancy shoot. I wasn't planning on charging her but when she asked how much I simply told her it would only cost her the amount it cost for the prints. I gave her a run down of how the appointment would go and a rough estimate of what the prints would cost. I of course told her it would all depend on what size and how many of each pose. She booked it. I am super excited. I really feel like maybe this is the push I need to switch my major. I am going to work on getting a website going and see how well it goes from there. If that does decent I might just make the leap. =]

So even though I started off very very grumpy I actually ending on a good note. Hopefully in about 6 days I will have one of the best days ever and find out that I will be becoming a mom.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Michigan

My flight from California back to Michigan was today and I am very tired. I had a wonderful time with my husband and it was much needed. His family drives me bananas sometimes so I welcomed the vacation. Plus, I got to smooch on my lover. We are hoping the 2ww goes by very fast and we will have happy news that we will be parents in about 9 months. If not, then it wasn't supposed to happen right now. We did however buy a book to help us pick a baby or babies name(s). Twins run in both sides of our families and since my cycle isn't always predictable I know to expect the unexpected. So we spent last night going over some possible names and I was sure my husband would be the kind to go for the more common names and me go for the uncommon ones. Infact, it's kinda the opposite. Although I do like some very uncommon names I also am leaning towards some old fashioned ones. We have decided to keep the name(s) a secret until we know if we are pregnant and what we will be having. I think too many people put negitivity on names that couples pick out. I want nothing but joy and positivity for our child. Plus it doesn't make any sense to ask others opinion on names when its your child not theirs.

B and I have also spent a great deal of time talking about what would happen if for some reason he should be gone for the birth. He would like me to invite his mother into the delivery room and I am dead set on telling him no way. His mom makes me nervous in everyday conversation...howwill she make me feel while I'm in labor. No way. He doesn't think it would be fair if my mother got to be in there and not his mom. His mom wasn't the one to push me out of her va jay jay there for she sits in the waiting room like a good Grandma. My mom knows how I deal with pain and knows how to calm me down. If for some reason B can't be there she is the only one allowed in the delivery room. B just doesn't get it. Help! I don't know how to make him understand. I don't want the maxium of 3 people in my delivery room. I want one person. I have told my family that when it comes time for that day, they all better expect to be sitting in the waiting room. They weren't there when baby was made why the fuck should they witness the birth. Its supposed to be an intimate moment with the mother and father. This subject gets me going everytime. lol Some people enjoy having others there and thats cool for them, not me. My husband just needs to learn that when said day comes it isn't about what he wants because it isn't his vagina being ripped open. =] That's something to look forward to. LMBO Done with my rant for now!

Well I will tell more about my trip later and post some awesome pictures along with it.

Friday, October 15, 2010

California

Good Morning! I am posting from California today. I wouldn't have had the time to post if it wasn't for the fact that B has to work today. He worked yesterday as well but we went out to a nice resturant after he got out and I tried swordfish for the first time. It was pretty good. I've also met about a hundred people who I won't ever remember their names. lol Except his Chief. He works in the office while on hold and yesterday his Cheif told him that he needed to go pick me up and bring me back to meet her. lol She is a nice lady but I am sure that she can take a man and make him cry if they pissed her off.

The trip here was pretty interesting. I had never been on a plane before but the first flight was only an hour before I had to switch planes and the flight was pretty good. I had some fear that about made me cry before we took off but it wasn't so bad. I wandered around the airport for about 2 hours before I got on my next plane. It was beautiful outside almost the whole time until we get to about 45 minutes outside of the San Diego airport. It was foggy as hell and I'm sure the pilot couldn't see 5 feet in front of the plane. We were getting ready to land and because of the fog the pilot missed the runway and all of a sudden we were going back up in the air. I freaked the fuck out and actually cried that time. The gentlemen sitting next to me were really nice and they were trying to reassure me that sometimes that happens. We actually landed the second time around and I couldn't be happier. B had duty that day and wasn't supposed to be let off base, so he arranged for one of his friends to pick me up and bring me back to base since I'm staying in the hotel on base. I find my ride and go towards the baggage claim and as soon as I set my carry on down a man comes up behind me and taps me on the shoulder. I turned around and it was my hubby! I was so surprised! His other friend video taped it.


Hopefully the video uploaded right.

Today our plans are to go on a tour of the city on a boat thingy. Apparently the thing drives you all around town and then takes you into the water. I'm kind of upset that the weather hasn't been great. It was so cold out yesterday that I looked like I was back home with jeans and a sweatshirt on. I only brought clothes for hot weather. I'm kinda screwed if it doesn't warm up. lol I will post when I get back because B doesn't have to work the rest of the time I'm here.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Autum # 2

Here are the picture's I took of my nephew and my sister in law. I had a great time with them and even though he was tired they still turned out great. Enjoy.















Autum

Happy Tuesday Everyone! I'm in the last 24 hours before I go see my amazing husband for 8 uninterrupted days. I am so excited I didn't sleep at all last night and I was up at 7am wide awake. I don't leave until tomorrow morning but I am already packed and ready to go.

In order for me to keep a level head today I am taking my sister in law and my nephew out to a very nice park. This park is gorgeous in the fall. I bought Mr. Bradley a new outfit yesterday and I'm going to take some pictures of them together. I will upload them when I am done editing them. But, I am very excited that I get to do this. Michigan is the most beautiful place in the fall. All the trees are half green, half yellow or red. The trees have been changing a while now so it will be perfect. What's awesome is that the fall colors aren't even in their peak yet. Photography is so much fun and I love my little buddy so much that I have to take as many pictures as possible before B and I are out of state for a while. Look for a post with pictures later today! =]

Friday, October 8, 2010

Like Red On a Rose

I'm getting very excited as the days get closer. I found out yesterday about two things that may impact my trip. Of course the Navy isn't going to make it easy. =]

1. He was granted special Liberty for 3 days. That's the good part. I was very excited to hear about that because I thought he would have to work everyday except Saturday and Sunday.

2. After 2 months of him being in California doing nothing, he is on the next list to start his school. This makes me happy and upset.

I've been trying to be patient and ride this out but the moment I decided to go out there, he might be starting school the week I get there. I would be happy if he did start because that means we are closer to getting stationed somewhere and me getting out of his Grandma's house. But, after hearing he got special liberty and would be spending 5 whole days with me instead of 2, I would be a little disappointed if he did start the week I'm there.

Some things not about the Navy...
I still haven't gotten my video back from our wedding. I'm not sure what I should do about it. The gentleman that shot the wedding is a family friend and didn't charge us a dime and I'm kind of getting annoyed. I think that after 3 months you should have it done. I don't want to be rude since it was done for free. Any suggestions here?

I can't wait to get my new camera out to California and shoot some awesome pictures. I've been really busy since I bought it and haven't taken any pictures for a while. Here are some I took the first week I had it. Some pictures are from my Aunt's farm and some are just around town. Hope you enjoy.


(Davison, Mi)



(Grand Blanc, Mi)

(Grand Blanc, Mi)





(Grand Blanc, Mi)


These are just a few of my favorites. I hope to finish nursing school and then go back for photography. I just need the support to do it. I don't think my pictures are the greatest but they have potential.

I will have to post a lot of pictures from my trip when I get back. Until then have a blessed couple of weeks.

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Throwing Caution to the Wind!

Over the last few weeks I'v heard my Pastor say the simplest of statements. "God will pay for it" "God always pays" I look at Pastor Chris like yeah right. In my head I'm giving him doubts. 'Come on Chris there isn't anyway God is just going to come up with enough money for B and I to pay our bills and then pay off our debts and still get me to Califoria for a visit in October. Thats too soon and plane ticket prices are rediculous, plus I'd need a hotel and San Diego area is expensive.'

When God has plans for you boy does he deliver. I think he delivered in my case because I had no faith that it would happen and he just wanted to teach me a lesson. Chris was talking that same morning about how we all should throw out the pro and con lists. Let God guide our lives. In every other way I had tried to do that. Except when it came to bills I couldn't trust that "God paid" Until I was checking funds and prices and figured out last night I could afford to go see my wonderful husband for his birthday. One happy woman right here!!! I have to tell my work about it and I have to tell them soon because I am leaving next Wednesday. Very soon but the pieces to the puzzle just fit so perfectly. God paid.

What's even better is the timing couldn't have been better this month. B and I are unoffically trying to create life-since we know that being apart throws a wrench in the trying part. And according to life's cycle his birthday is supposed to be "the most" fertile day for me. Now I know not to get my hopes up because it doesn't always happen the way the calender thinks it should. If nothing happens this month then it isn't meant to be right now. We are fine with that because we are young. We decided to start young because we don't want to be old parents and because I have issues with my reproductive system. I am going to have a very hard time getting pregnant so I figured why wait.? LOL Why delay the process. We have to have been trying for at least 1 year before the doctor's will even think of helping out -because we are young.

I've never been on a plane though. I'm kind of nervous. I will be traveling over 4000 miles on my very first trip and I'll be doing it all alone. I don't do well being alone and I hardly trust anyone. I'm always looking over my shoulder so I'm sure I wil be on edge almost the entire time until I'm in the arms of my husband. The day I get there is his duty day, so that will kinda suck. But, I will manage. I'll go shopping or something. =]
I will post on the trip when I'm back for sure if I don't post before then.