WARNING: This blog contains conversations about my life. It can be cruel but it's the truth from the way I percive it. I don't always use nice words and sometimes I share a little bit too much. I don't put on a happy face in the midst of hard times because that's what inspires others. If you have an issue please navigate away from this page now.

Sunday, October 24, 2010


Welp...it's Sunday and tomorrow starts the work week again. I'm getting to the point where I would rather be at work than at home. I am very hormonal today and so when someone in the house threw out my food that was in the freezer... I flipped a lid. I couldn't help it. Either this is the worst PMS or I really am pregnant. I will find out for sure on Halloween. =] All I know is my husband can count his blessings for not being home to get caught in my wrath. I can only imagine how my temper will get through the nine months as people think they have a right to throw their opinions in even when it wasn't asked for. I do welcome some but I call it enough when it is advice on everything and how the decisions I make are wrong. lol It already happened when I got married and I am damned if it will happen while I'm pregnant. lol

Lets just say I used to be this mouse who would sit in the corner and bite their tongue because I didn't like conflict. In all my wedding was perfect and I ended up with everything the way I wanted it. But I had to fight for what I wanted and by fight I mean repeatedly tell people in a nice way that this is what I want and I had to listen to them put down EVERY idea I had and start doing what they wanted anyways. It wasn't until I cried did anyone realize that they needed to knock it off and listen to me since it was my damn wedding anyways and they had already had one if not more than that before. That experience changed me especially dealing with the way my husbands family was and some of my family was during the wedding planning. I decided that I will no longer cry to make my point and I will no longer sit and let people run over me. Most of all not when it comes to things that my world is wrapped around. I will not sit and listen to people cut down and demean those who are close to my heart. The changes in me are slowly showing more and more.

This morning was a huge step in not taking anyone crap. If a situation had happened before where I was mad I would have pretended like I was fine and that there wasn't a situation at all. But I came up stairs from my room and was really fuming and I at least showed that I was mad and let them know why before I left. I don't want to turn into a mean or hurtful person. I want to be a person who isn't afraid to stand up for themselves and realizes that it is ok to be mad and to let people know. I left the house to get more food and cool down because I don't like being mad and if Id have stayed I would have kept going and really said something hurtful.

The things that happen at this house really runs a person down and its hard to stay happy and positive while living here. Before I moved in here I was 100% happier and nicer but the constant negativity from his grandma's mouth and the 24/7 screaming 2 year old makes a person unhappy. Plus all the crap they say about how this or that person in the family is a screw up and how they are perfect and everyone should be more like them, is completely sickening. I know I'm doing the same thing right now, but it isn't something Id have a problem saying to their face if given the right opportunity. These people would never say the things they say to the person they talk about...they are 2 faced as hell. Ugh makes me sick.

To go along with how hormonal I am today..about an hour later I was in the best mood. I was setting up my very first photo shoot for profit. I haven't taken classes for photography yet but all my friends are getting pregnant and huge and I set up an appointment for a pregnancy shoot. I wasn't planning on charging her but when she asked how much I simply told her it would only cost her the amount it cost for the prints. I gave her a run down of how the appointment would go and a rough estimate of what the prints would cost. I of course told her it would all depend on what size and how many of each pose. She booked it. I am super excited. I really feel like maybe this is the push I need to switch my major. I am going to work on getting a website going and see how well it goes from there. If that does decent I might just make the leap. =]

So even though I started off very very grumpy I actually ending on a good note. Hopefully in about 6 days I will have one of the best days ever and find out that I will be becoming a mom.

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