WARNING: This blog contains conversations about my life. It can be cruel but it's the truth from the way I percive it. I don't always use nice words and sometimes I share a little bit too much. I don't put on a happy face in the midst of hard times because that's what inspires others. If you have an issue please navigate away from this page now.

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Lazy Tuesday

I have absolutely zero energy to do anything today. I should really do some more packing and go help clear out the room that will soon be mine at B's grandma's house. I really would have helped out today since I wasn't working but his one Aunt Cat , who also lives with his grandma, is having surgery today and grandma is watching Aunt Cat's daughter (Rylee) so there isn't really time for cleaning and rearranging. I don't quite understand what help I am going to be anyways since none of the things are mine and I don't know what needs to be kept or thrown out. I'm already annoyed and I don't even live there yet...I'm so nervous to see how Ill feel actually living there in the over crowded 3 bedroom house. To explain my annoyance a little bit for understanding...grandma is the sweetest 65ish year old woman I know and has helped B and I out a lot. We love her whole heartily and she along with Aunt Cat and Rylee are probably going to be the ones I miss the most when I leave to be with B. When I graduated High School my parents moved across country and left me here and my one and only big brother moved across state 3 hours away so basically the only family I have are B's. When I'm bored or lonely I usually stop by his Grandma's house to visit. I would spend more time with my mother, father, and sister in law who live across the street from Grandma but they are gone alot working or golfing (their favorite pass time). My sister in law is 17 and has a 5 month old little boy who I adore but I don't see much of them either since, well shes 17, and like all 17yr olds likes to hangout with her boyfriend and since he's the baby's father it's good. So Gma, Roger (gma's husband), Aunt Cat and Rylee are my family. Like all family though they get on my nerves. Gma has issues with control making it very hard for her to see my point on anything and Aunt Cat (& gma too I guess) has a know it all complex. Gma and Aunt Cat feed off each other which makes it too much sometimes. Rylee is 2 and she has all the symptoms of the terrible twos. Roger is laid back and is usually the one who breaks the tension. When I got annoyed before I could always go home and stay home until I wanted to go back over there. With all the mounting stress in my life it doesn't take much to get me annoyed. LOL So, I'm nervous to see how I handle living with it for 3 months. Hopefully it wont be too bad. But since Aunt Cat's surgery was today and I had the day off work, Ive been very lazy. I have watched a movie off of On Demand, The Backup Plan. It was very cute. I have surfed the web and played some games online. I have made breakfast and over all just hung out with crappy food and the TV. If I must say though, I think the TV is out to get me because every time I pick a channel there is a program on it that makes me cry. Today I turned on "A baby story" and within the first five minutes I was balling. The mother was getting ready to have her 2nd child but was doing it alone because her husband had just died in Iraq. Every episode of Extreme Home Makeover makes me cry because they always choose families that have disabilities or war vets who are disabled. It makes me think of B and how much I would miss him if he were gone or how hard and difficult it would be if something happened to him and he lost an arm, a leg, his sight or couldn't walk again. It makes me realize the seriousness of the job he is doing. Seems to just always be something that makes me think of him and miss him. So, I try and think of all the good things him and I have gotten the chance to do with each other. Our wedding pictures are a constant reminder to me of the love that we have shared for the past four years. It's going to be good to get to see him sometime hopefully in October and get to touch him and kiss him again and make sure he is still the same man I fell in love with...he couldn't change even if he wanted to. =)

Kellie Pickler - Makin' Me Fall In Love Again

Monday, August 30, 2010

Brand New

I visit one blog quite a bit and decided maybe it's about time I made one of my own...today was that day. LOL I hope doing this gives me what I'm looking for which is a place to vent and express freely how I'm feeling without worrying if I am going to hurt someones feelings. I have facebook but I guess it isnt the same. So to start I guess I'll give some background details. Both my husband and I were born and raised in "one of the most dangerous" cities in Michigan. I say that in quotes because we dont really think it's as bad as everyone makes it out to be. Sure, if you are looking for trouble you will find it but I think pretty much people leave you alone and mind their own business. We both graduated in 2008 and worked at Cedar Point the following summer. In the fall we moved in with his Grandma and started going to college. We moved out into our own place in the fall of 2009 and didnt go back to college because of finance issues. After a couple months living with his Grandma and not being able to get a job "B" (which is what I call him) decided he wanted to join the Navy. When I first heard about his choice to join I didn't talk to him for awhile. I wanted to evaluate what my true feelings on it were before I said anything that would change his mind either way. I came around and realized that it was a good choice and it was something that e wanted to do so I needed to support him. I went to him after I had time to think and told him I was sorry I hadnt spoken to him but I needed time to think about it and what it was going to mean for me. I told him I would support him and stand by him no matter what but that I needed to know what him joining meant for me. He then told me he wanted to join to serve his country and to make life better for me and that he didnt want to see breakup over him being gone. So he went through with DEPs and got a leave date for the following March which was a year after he decided to join. In that year we moved into an apartment and just enjoyed eachother. It felt like we blinked and his shipout date was near. His baby sister was pregnant at the time he was suppossed to leave and wasnt due until April but since she had so many problems the baby came 5 weeks early and the new Uncle got to meet his nephew one week before he left for basic. Before he left we were talking about getting married but since he didnt ask my father and hadnt proposed I suggested that we wait until after basic training to see if we can handle it. Basic training was hell to say it nicely. It was the first time I had ever been all alone and I had to learn how to do things by myself. Ive got the hang of it now. LOL As hard as it was I couldnt be happier that I experinced that. I found a new love for B that I hadnt felt before. My new favorite saying is "distance makes the heart grow fonder" and that deffinitly was the case for me and him. To my surprise while he was there he wrote to my father who lives in Wyoming and asked his permission to marry me. And the day of his graduation he proposed in our hotel room. It doesnt sound like anything special but it was perfect. We spent the rest of that weekend hanging out with his family around the base. Once I got home I started asking him when he wanted to get married and his response was always the same.."right now"..LOL One night I made him choose and he came up with July 4th, but since it was on a sunday we switched it to the 3rd. He was able to get leave and come home for the wedding. We had our wedding in the front yard of his Aunts house under the huge willow tree. His Grandma lives there and we spent the weekend out there.  He had some trouble getting there though. He missed his train because of chicago traffic and since were only 6 hours away his Grandma and cousin jumped in their car to go pick him up the thursday before the wedding. I was so nervous he wouldnt be there for the wedding so I took some sleep aids and fell asleep in his Grandmas bed. At 2 am my hubby to be showed up and surprised me...he got a cheap flight and his grandma was able to pick him up at our local airport instead. =D The day of our wedding was awesome it was 80ish and windy, so even though we were hot the wind cooled us off. A few weeks after the wedding I went back to the base to get all our paperwork straightened out. And about 2 weeks ago he finished his schooling in IL and is now in CA on hold. Our lease in the apartment in MI is over in a month and his schooling is 11 weeks long once he starts. So in the meantime I will be staying with his other Grandma and going out to see him in CA and then heading to Wyoming to visit my parents. Hopefully by the end of November his schooling will be done and he will finally get his first duty station and I can go live with him again, because seriously I'm going nuts. haha Thats it for now. =]