WARNING: This blog contains conversations about my life. It can be cruel but it's the truth from the way I percive it. I don't always use nice words and sometimes I share a little bit too much. I don't put on a happy face in the midst of hard times because that's what inspires others. If you have an issue please navigate away from this page now.

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Lazy Tuesday

I have absolutely zero energy to do anything today. I should really do some more packing and go help clear out the room that will soon be mine at B's grandma's house. I really would have helped out today since I wasn't working but his one Aunt Cat , who also lives with his grandma, is having surgery today and grandma is watching Aunt Cat's daughter (Rylee) so there isn't really time for cleaning and rearranging. I don't quite understand what help I am going to be anyways since none of the things are mine and I don't know what needs to be kept or thrown out. I'm already annoyed and I don't even live there yet...I'm so nervous to see how Ill feel actually living there in the over crowded 3 bedroom house. To explain my annoyance a little bit for understanding...grandma is the sweetest 65ish year old woman I know and has helped B and I out a lot. We love her whole heartily and she along with Aunt Cat and Rylee are probably going to be the ones I miss the most when I leave to be with B. When I graduated High School my parents moved across country and left me here and my one and only big brother moved across state 3 hours away so basically the only family I have are B's. When I'm bored or lonely I usually stop by his Grandma's house to visit. I would spend more time with my mother, father, and sister in law who live across the street from Grandma but they are gone alot working or golfing (their favorite pass time). My sister in law is 17 and has a 5 month old little boy who I adore but I don't see much of them either since, well shes 17, and like all 17yr olds likes to hangout with her boyfriend and since he's the baby's father it's good. So Gma, Roger (gma's husband), Aunt Cat and Rylee are my family. Like all family though they get on my nerves. Gma has issues with control making it very hard for her to see my point on anything and Aunt Cat (& gma too I guess) has a know it all complex. Gma and Aunt Cat feed off each other which makes it too much sometimes. Rylee is 2 and she has all the symptoms of the terrible twos. Roger is laid back and is usually the one who breaks the tension. When I got annoyed before I could always go home and stay home until I wanted to go back over there. With all the mounting stress in my life it doesn't take much to get me annoyed. LOL So, I'm nervous to see how I handle living with it for 3 months. Hopefully it wont be too bad. But since Aunt Cat's surgery was today and I had the day off work, Ive been very lazy. I have watched a movie off of On Demand, The Backup Plan. It was very cute. I have surfed the web and played some games online. I have made breakfast and over all just hung out with crappy food and the TV. If I must say though, I think the TV is out to get me because every time I pick a channel there is a program on it that makes me cry. Today I turned on "A baby story" and within the first five minutes I was balling. The mother was getting ready to have her 2nd child but was doing it alone because her husband had just died in Iraq. Every episode of Extreme Home Makeover makes me cry because they always choose families that have disabilities or war vets who are disabled. It makes me think of B and how much I would miss him if he were gone or how hard and difficult it would be if something happened to him and he lost an arm, a leg, his sight or couldn't walk again. It makes me realize the seriousness of the job he is doing. Seems to just always be something that makes me think of him and miss him. So, I try and think of all the good things him and I have gotten the chance to do with each other. Our wedding pictures are a constant reminder to me of the love that we have shared for the past four years. It's going to be good to get to see him sometime hopefully in October and get to touch him and kiss him again and make sure he is still the same man I fell in love with...he couldn't change even if he wanted to. =)

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