The last couple of days I've just felt down and out, sick and tired. I have know idea as to why. I'm not quite to the point of never leaving the potty but just haven't felt good. I woke up this morning still feeling the same and had to go to work and when I got there everyone was grumpy and so that made me grumpy on top of not feeling well. Sometime after Id been there I lost the grumpy but still didn't feel good but that was because it was SO hot and muggy today. I went to B's gma's house and had tacos and checked on my room... and it's coming along very nicely. Ive only got 28 days left...=/ Its bitter sweet leaving this place.
On my way home I didn't have my radio on which NEVER happens in my car. I just thought and prayed the whole way, talking to the Lord about the things that have been bothering me. When I got home I got online and looked up a friend of a friend who is a christian musician, Ben Woodward. He has some pretty amazing songs. They lift me up like you wouldn't believe. www.somethingelserecords.com/album/maranatha this link will take you to his page and if you scroll down to the share group you can listen for free.
What I think is awesome about this is that I never grew up in a church and neither did B. I went to a youth group for a while but other than that I connected to Jesus by myself in my bedroom in a house that wasn't always pleasant. So when B and I got into our own place church wasn't a priority or a topic we talked about. The first week he was gone at basic training I had the overwhelming urge to go to church with his grandma and when I went I felt so..ugh I cant even put a word to how I felt. I felt, refreshed. It was the first time Id been to church in over 5 years. That very week when I got my letter from B on Wednesday (meaning he wrote it Sunday and sent it out Sunday the day Id went to church) he had spoke of going to church service on base that day and he said it was one of the best things he'd done in a long time and that he felt he was exactly where he was supposed to be. He said he wanted church to be something we could start doing together. I was sooo happy because I had no idea how to go about saying I wanted to do that without making him feel he had to go with me. I didn't go back to church but B did until the end of basic training.
After basic we haven't talked anymore about church or the Lord and it saddens me because I think its important that the word of God stays in our conversations. So, my question is why do I always see myself reaching out to him when things are tough or I'm scared? Why do I not have a relationship when things are good? So I told myself today that, that behavior ends now and I mean right now. As soon as I talk to him next I'm letting him know that I want to start going to church on a regular basis and I want to do more to keep the Lord active in our lives. I think really having a relationship with Christ is going to help me be strong and help me face what B and I are going through with the Navy and all the joys we go through too.
I feel much better belly wise as well as spiritually and I am so happy. I couldn't ask for a better partner than my husband and I think him and I being involved with God is only going to help us get closer even though we are separated physically.